Hi friend,
I'm trying something new here. New year, new… platform? I am human and so naturally I want to believe this new thing is going to magically provoke me to do the thing I know I must do if I’d actually like to do that thing more — write. Yet I know deep down no new platform, no new year, no new resolutions will help me.
I’ve fallen into the tar pit of resolutions for most of my adult life. I won’t say i’ts completely failed me — I’ve explored and tested a lot of habits and hobbies. I know myself better for it. But the all or nothing mentality that comes with it and this window of time are the tar pits for me. So I’m giving them up forever because I AM EVOLVED (read: sarcasm). Truthfully it’s that and the fact that “resolutions” has started to give me a bit of the ick. The idea now brings on an onslaught of expectations and pressures. Like you’re an idiot if you don’t commit to reading at least 24 books over the next year. You’re a failure for the rest of the year if you drink a vodka soda in January. You’re a loser if you didn’t go backpacking in Southeast Asia for three months or save for a down payment for an insanely priced house by the time Halloween smacks us all in the face.
The compulsion is strong, especially with what resolutions have become most synonymous with: weight loss. There lurking in the shadows of this resolution are the rampant fatphobia and the fitness and wellness industries that exploit our wallets and hollow our souls. Quickly following in their wake are the corrupt food and pharmaceutical vampires waiting eagerly to line our insides with protein-packed franken food with oils, extracts and glucoses that will make our hearts stop before we see any gains…and Ozempic. Sign me up! Not. Resolutions as they’ve been practiced are steeped in a whole lot of toxic offshoots of the greed that fuels our culture. Naturally, I don’t want anything to do with any of that anymore.
Also, I don’t know about you, but I’m fucking tired. I’d like to keep blaming our culture, but I’m tired of that, too. I just want to let the soft animal of my heart do what it needs and what it wants. This doesn’t mean I’m going to live some wayward life full of overindulgence. I’ve been around long enough to have a good sense of what activities, people, things and how much of them make me feel good and fulfilled. I have enough self-awareness and mindfulness practice under my belt to hear my inner voice ring loud and clear. I don’t need anymore rigid, external goals to burn out on forevermore.
Which leads me back to this writing stuff. That inner animal of mine has grown rabid overtime as I’ve continued to ignore the incessant and urgent call to write. And I’m also tired of letting them down. Which is why I want to commit to the idea of RESOLVE.
It’s both a noun and a verb.
In noun form it means “a firm determination to do something.”
In verb form it means “decide firmly on a course of action.”
Just take a moment and let that sink in. Let them mix together into one idea. I know it’s the right idea for me right now because it makes my belly squirm and my throat tighten like I’m about to burst with stars. Does it do that for you?
If not, maybe the application of the idea will get your juices flowing.
What I will RESOLVE to do this year is to listen to my body’s requests and to trust it.
That’s it.
My Inner Critic is already raising hell and is swiftly joined by Doubting Dave and Defeatist Danny. I’ll let them rage on because I know they want me to succeed and they’re just a little scared.
But there’s a deep, deep knowing within me that if I can just live with RESOLVE to listen to my body, if I can RESOLVE to DO the things the soft animal of my heart asks of me, not only will I succeed, I’ll find peace, joy, and security within. Boo-yah.
So when my body says, “GO! GO RUN,” I’m not going to let Prissy Pete hyper fixate on the cold and talk me out of it. When my body asks for a warm tea, I’m not going to make coffee instead because that’s what I’m used to. When my body asks for a nap, I will put my phone in air plane mode and lay my ass down. When my body asks for fruit, I will peel the orange I bought three weeks ago with good intentions and have avoided since, and I will eat the damn orange. When my body asks me to sit down in the writing chair after a long week of work when all I want to do is blast my stomach with some Bud Lights at the bar, I’m going to sit and I’m going to write. And when my body asks me to blast my stomach with Bud Lights at the bar, I’ll do that, too.
How does RESOLVE (noun/verb) sound to you now? Are you seeing the magic?
What has your body been asking of you?
I know that I need this sort of strict fluidity (gosh, I love paradox). The challenge will be staying in touch with my body, my soul, and that pure animal inside of me. If I can manage it, you’ll inevitably be hearing from me more in this form. Or maybe not. Maybe I find more groove in my private screenplays and poetry documents. I’m open to the form, but I know one way or other my body will be asking me to write.
Until then, stay… resolved?